you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
