you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
