if you like me you must not know who I am
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
