I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize