i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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