I think i peed on brittanys purse
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We got so high we made milksteak
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
