Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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