I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
