The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
