So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
