Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
