i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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