You're completely useless in the revolution.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
