Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
