so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
