Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
