i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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