Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize