Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
