Your dad touched me again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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