i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize