How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
