I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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