dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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