when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
