Can i not drive my cunt home
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
