You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
