Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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