I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
