It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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