No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
