Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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