Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
