So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
