is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
