4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
