Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
