It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
