He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want her autograph on my taint
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
