The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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