Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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