I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
