have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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