two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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