So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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