Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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