Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize