Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
