I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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