He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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