Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
