how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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