Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
