Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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