I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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