Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
