i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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