remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
