Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
