i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
