I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
