I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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