I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
