Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
