And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
