so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
