I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize