I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
