i may or may not be watching the land before time
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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