Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
