There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
