i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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