So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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