mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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