i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
