a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
