And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
