Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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