I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
