when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
