I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
