u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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