So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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