I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
