What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
