you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
