Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
