Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
