i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want her autograph on my taint
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
