guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
