its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sext me about skeletons
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
