I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
