Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
