Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
whose ass print is on the piano?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
