Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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