i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
