It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
