mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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