She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Two words: blizzard sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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