Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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